Associate/Youth Pastor’s Wife – Page 3

Boy, Am I Glad it’s Monday

Posted on May 16, 2011February 2, 2013 by jenschuyler

Boy, am I glad it’s Monday! I don’t say that very often, but this was one weekend I was glad to get past. Of all the weekends to have a feeling anti-social seclusion come over me this was NOT the right one. I’ve been furiously trying to get the kids’ school finished, clean house for company coming soon and finish up some projects that have long gone neglected. Friday evening came and I was already exhausted before our youth activity even started. It didn’t help that not many people could come because of outside circumstances. 2^nd man was not exactly feeling the love for this activity either so there was kind of a feeling of “just wanna stay home.” in the air. We ended up having a good time, but not exactly one for the record books.

Saturday came and I was excited to scoot the kids out to Nana’s cottage (my mother-in-law lives in a small cottage behind our house). And get 2^nd man out the door so I could really buckle down and do some serious cleaning. Weeelllll, that one didn’t go as planned either. At about 11:00 2^nd man finally left for visitation and I only had about an hour before I had to get ready for graduation parties. Now, don’t get me wrong. I usually love these come and go parties. I definitely love the graduates we were visiting. I just, really, was in need of some uninterrupted housework that you can only seem to get done on a Saturday ya know? So we went to the first party and of course I enjoyed it,

Then it was back home for pie baking 101. Yes, I had forgotten that I’d promised my girls that they could bake pies for our annual pie auction for the teen dept. That, of course, meant I had to teach them how to bake pies. Pie is good. I like pie. Pie is messy to make. Pies take many steps. Pies really mess up a kitchen whose dishwasher is broken. Bad pies. (but very yummy!)

The already strained weekend went south when I stepped outside to get something out of the car. Our Curly Kitty was sprawled out on the driveway sunning himself. I was talking to him as I walked to the car, when all of a sudden a huge gust of wind blew over a church table we had leaning against our steps until we could load it into our truck. The table smashed right on top of Curly. He wriggled out and ran off. I was relived to see him move so fast, but couldn’t find him anywhere. 2^nd man took a look around as well, but to no avail. We had to stop for a while and go to the next graduation party.

After the 2^nd party we pulled up and thankfully Curly came back up to us and came in the house. I couldn’t see any visible signs of trouble and was relieved when he ate some food and purred in my arms. After a while he wanted back outside, so I figured that everything was all right.

Sunday morning, he didn’t come knocking on my kitchen window. I leaned outside to call from the kitchen door…no Curly. After a little while I looked out the front door and there was our sweet kitty laying in the front yard. I called for 2^nd man and he went out to confirm my fears. It looked like a dog got him and he had been too hurt or sore to run away. We were both sick. I cried a bit and we both realized that we just couldn’t tell the kids during the hurried Sunday morning rush, we’d have to wait until after church. Oh that was awful. 2^nd man was so sickened and sad and a little bothered that he was so bothered.

After church we told the kids. Our oldest daughter was immediately upset. She’s not a real touchy, feely kinda girl, but had connected pretty closely with the cat. Our middle daughter took it very maturely and our 4 year old boy… well…he didn’t quite get it yet. He’s still pretty sure the cat will come alive again like in cartoons. No, he’s not warped at all (wink wink).

So, amongst the hub and bub of any Sunday, we were dealing with the grief at the loss of a beloved pet and trying to get ready for a very big fundraiser that evening. The girls had to finish their pies.

To say I was feeling anti-social that evening was putting it lightly. Mix into that a pie auction. I’m not convinced that this is an appropriate fundraiser for a church. Oh it brings in the money, no doubt. It’s fun, and so interesting to see all the different kinds of pies people bake. Our mayor, who owns an auctioneering business, always does the honors pro bono for us and makes it a lot of fun. However, it brings out a side in the women of the church that is plain ol ugly. There’s so much pride, arrogance, opinion and estrogen in the room that I’m not convinced that the men aren’t bidding just to save their marriages. 2^nd man was excited that it went so well at the end. I was exhausted and not sure I wanted to be around women again, for a while.

We picked up hamburgers at the drive-thru at 9:30 on a Sunday night for supper. Yes, great moments in mom history feeding junk food to your poor starving kids when it’s already past their bedtime. Actually, that was plan B, I was going to just feed everyone a piece of pie.

So, now it’s a quiet Monday morning. I’m missing my coffee and devotions partner (Curly), but the kids are sleeping in and I need to be planning out this week, but am getting distracted with my blog. It’s the last week of school and our houseguests are coming Saturday, but since this weekend is behind me, none of that seems to stress me out. Boy, am I glad it’s Monday.

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife

How to Feed a Pack of Ravenous Teenagers

Posted on May 5, 2011 by jenschuyler

Last night we finished up our first year of All-Stars, Wednesday night program for our youth department. We took advantage of the recently good weather and had a cookout on our church property. While doing this it got me to thinking about all of the times we have cooked for a ravenous pack of teenagers. Having become somewhat of a pro at this now, I thought I’d share some things we’ve learned along the way. Admittedly, some of this goes against my own grain, as I enjoy things that are beautifully put together and engage all of the senses. However, we’re talking about teenagers here who are not yet adept at appreciating things in this way, so, I’ve learned to concede some of my perfectionism and do what works. We generally feed around 45 people on average, but have also at times been in charge of feeding several hundred for youth rallies or even just about 10 for smaller gatherings.

1. This is not the time to think nutrition: I know this may go against all of you who are health conscious or just simply have a family of your own that you are trying to nutritiously feed. However, as 2^nd man puts it, “we’re simply trying to sustain life here, we’re not in charge of their entire diet.” It costs money to feed the ravenous pack and sometimes the “fun” food is cheaper. If you are on a special diet of some sort, it is my suggestion that you eat beforehand so that you are neither tempted nor foiled in your plan.

This is not the time to think gourmet: I’m no great chef or gourmet cook, but I do enjoy trying new and interesting things I’ve seen in magazines or on the Food Network. However, it has been my experience both financially and practically with the kids’ taste preferences, that teens are much more satisfied with something simple and familiar. I’ve had times where I’ve tried new things with the kids and it usually doesn’t go over very well. When spending this kind of money and time I suggest pleasing the crowd. Save your special recipes for smaller groups of adults who can appreciate both the work and the ingredients. If you simply must experiment here, perhaps do it with dessert.

* On a special note here: I’ll share one of my recent mistakes. We currently have a family with both kids on special diets. I’ve gotten myself into the predicament of ordering special for them on pizza nights. I guess they got me in a weak moment and a part of me is a softy for them. However, it does complicate things for me. So, my suggestion when this is the case would be to not charge them for the activity, but ask mom to provide whatever the special food is that they may need. It’s simply too complicated to have to be responsible for everyone’s diet. Unless of course you’re a softy like me or can accommodate easily.

3. Always buy too much: Another maxim of 2^nd man is, “It’s always better to have too much than too little.” It can be hard to foretell how hungry the kids will be, so I always try to have more than enough so they may have seconds. Of course you must be careful with expenses. However, nothing comes across more inhospitable than rationing food at a fun activity.

Pizza Numbers: Along with number 3 above, we usually assign 3 people per large pizza when counting heads. This number seems to always serve us well when ordering for a crowd. We usually order from Pizza Hut or Dominos. Dominos gives a better deal in general, but when our church built a new building we found it more convenient to drive to Pizza Hut. We’ve struck a deal with them to get a discount since we usually make a large order at least once per month. Usually managers will work some kind of deal with you if you order at least 12 pizzas or more.

Set out only some of the pop: Teenagers like pop. They like it to flow freely and with abundance. Therefore, I’ve learned that even though I try to buy more than enough, I only set out a few 2 liters at a time. Otherwise they will open every single bottle and you’ll be left with partial 2 liters that you have to give away. Instead, set out an appropriate amount and put out more if they seem extra thirsty or ask for more. This way you can save unused bottles for future activities. Speaking of pop, buy the name brand kind. The idea is to be careful with money, but not to make the teens feel unworthy either.

Charge for the food: This may seem obvious, but let the teens offset the costs here. Sometimes we do splurge and make it a free night. However, charging $5.00 is not too much to ask when they’re getting a meal. Assign a youth worker or adult to take up the money in an envelope. Our church does allow fundraisers for our kids. With this money we set them up with an account that they can pull from for large activities like camps and youth retreats or even small activities too. This helps the parents from having to fork it over every weekend. I know some churches aren’t comfortable with this, so handle it however, your pastor would allow.

Let the kids help: Recently we have a young lady in our youth department who loves to bake. She seems to want to pursue this passion and has shown some good ability too. Just last night she made All-Star cupcakes to go with our group theme. They were simply beautiful with white chocolate stars poking up out of the beautifully piped frosting. If you have someone with ability like this and the energy and desire to use it, let them. It helps you and encourages them.

On occasion, I also like to have the girls help me with cooking projects or setting up or even cleaning up. It’s good experience for them. Just don’t overdo it or they may get to feeling like it’s more work than activity.

8. Ask the parents for help: I save this suggestion for smaller churches. We’re not exactly ginormous, but big enough that this is actually kind of hard for me. I have had the experience in the past of trying to do this and had multiple people back out for varying reasons at the last minute. They think that there are enough other parents that it won’t matter. It was in those times I was left to panic and whip something together. However, in a smaller group, people wouldn’t necessarily have that “out” and it could work out for the better financially for all.

Some sample menus: One may look at this and think I have no creativity, However, I’ve learned to keep it simple. Sometimes, I get a hankering to change it up. But in general I stick with these few choices.

A. Hamburgers (buy the pre-made patties, this is often cheaper and much fast to cook up)

Sometimes we add hotdogs to offset the cost

Chips

Cookies or Little Debbies

B. Pizza: we do this on a monthly basis and provide pizza and pop. We generally charge $5.00 for this activity

C. Sloppy Joes: this is a very cost effective meal but not all teens enjoy sloppy Joes

I use Manwich, the kind in the can. I know people have different preferences here, but the flavor of this is usually pleasing to a wider array of people, it’s cheaper than buying all of the homemade ingredients and lets face it, it’s much faster to prepare.

We usually pair chips and cookies with this one as well

D. Snack night: This one takes a little more time and planning, but the kids eat it up fast. On these kind of nights we have:

1. Rotelle cheese dip with tortilla chips: 1 block of Velveeta, 1 can Rotelle tomatoes and chilies, 1 tube of mild sausage cooked.

2. Taquitoes with salsa and sour cream

3. bagel pizzas

4. egg rolls (the kind found in the frozen foods section

E. Hot dogs: If we are doing hot dogs only, I try to add fun to it by providing chili topping along with cheese onion, ketchup, mustard and relish, so they can have more variety. We usually add the chips and cookies here too.

Soooo not exactly rocket science, but just a few things that have helped us along the way. I might add that I’m open to suggestions if anyone else reading has done something different and would like to share.

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Daily Musings, Homeschooling, My Interests

Minutia

Posted on May 3, 2011February 2, 2013 by jenschuyler

I vaguely remember when my momma learned the word minutia (pronounced mi noo sha, sorry, I don’t know how to make those little upside down e thingies). It has to do with small trivial matters. I don’t remember the exact time, but I remember her using the word over and over again for weeks. It’s one of those words that seem kind of pretentious, but that’s weird since the word itself is about unpretentious trivial things in life. However, it’s fun to say and it makes all of those trivial little monster chores seem more important somehow.

As a matter of fact that’s what this post is about. For the past two weeks my life has been totally consumed with minutia. I mean it’s been a whirlwind of minutia, so much so that I almost had a panic attack over it the other day. That’s one of the dangers of being a stay at home, home schooling mom. It sounds like a boring job, but there are so many details to attend to that the word boring never gets a chanced to even be vocalized.

Really, I tend to dig these holes myself and then jump in with eyes closed and breathing paused. When I first married 2^nd man and we were candidating at churches, they’d always ask me, “Do you sing or play the piano?” To which I’d reply, “Well, no, but I do have other talents.” I’ve often felt silly about that since my only other talents are that I can navigate myself around a strange city unusually well (which has helped on many youth trips so far I might add.) And, I can over extend myself faster than you can say…well…minutia.

Anyway, I began this little whirlwind a couple of weeks ago when I realized that I had been stowing away junk in our garage all winter in hopes of having a garage sale sometime. It seemed like a logical task to take on since the past month has been a spending frenzy for our household. Our girls’ bedroom furniture kept breaking. I finally had it when I caught them simply reaching into the broken drawer front of their dresser to get underwear out of a scrunched mess that had been shoved into the designated drawer and kept falling out onto the floor. Thus we bought them new furniture. Then came the broken finger of my little soccer goalie and the various trips to the doctors that ensued due to the location of the fracture near a growth plate. Did you know that putting a splint on a broken finger is considered a surgery worth over $800.00!! Of course there was also the one-month of free shipping for the home school supplies I will need next year. Last year I was miffed after paying nearly $100.00 in shipping alone because none of the home school displays or conventions are anywhere near where we live. So I felt pressured to buy now. So…. that’s what led to the great idea of a garage sale.

Garage sales really are never convenient, but I looked at our calendar and realized that last weekend was the only weekend I’d have to put this little ditty on until possibly next fall. You see, in the youth pastors home summer is not a break time. We will have two camps to attend, a 3-week fireworks stand to run, a trip to Chicago with a few students and an end of summer 3 day youth rally in Oklahoma City. So, the pressure was on to get this thing done and generate a little cash. Didn’t matter that it was the week of our church revival.

Don’t get me wrong I love revival. I really do enjoy getting to go to church each night of the week, hearing the word preached and fellowshipping with our church family. However, as all moms know, revivals can sink your whole schedule. Dinners must be ready early, children must be cleaned daily (Yes, I admit it, I flub on this one sometimes). 2^nd man’s shirts must be ironed and I have the great task of making it all look effortless…ahem cough cough. Anyway, something must give on these kinds of weeks and mine had to be my house. I fell behind on laundry, vacuuming, dusting and somehow I managed to unscientifically make papers reproduce themselves right there on the dining room table. I’d turn around for two minutes and a new pile would appear. Problem was, I didn’t have time to call the Discovery Channel over this phenomenon, I was too busy looking effortless.

I was thankful when 2^nd man took Thursday off to help me get the garage sale in order. On Friday morning I was all ready to go and everything was set up without a hitch, except I hadn’t watched the weather. Oh the sun was out and the temperature mild, but I had picked the windiest day of the year to hold a garage sale! I did nothing but chase items down the block all day long. My kids joined in too. We’d take turns getting to go inside the house for a small reprieve. I’m thinking of sending bills to all of the neighbors who may have items in their yards still. Imagine my horror when one young mother with two little ones asked if her daughter could use our bathroom. Oh the embarrassment as she walked in and I, with my nervous laugh, made excuses for the way my house looked. We’d gotten the call that the new furniture would arrive right as the garage sale ended on Saturday. So my girl’s stuff was in boxes lining my hallway. There were stray colorful garage sale sticker dots on every thing that stood still in the house and, I’m not sure, but I think her poor daughter was exposed to all sorts of varying dirty laundry strung all over my bathroom. It was one of those times when you wonder, why doesn’t anyone just pop in when my house is clean? They only seem to do it when things are a wreck. I’d be much more prone towards this hospitality stuff it they would time themselves around my cleaning schedule.

After a very tiring day, 2^nd man took us all out to dinner with some of the proceeds of the day. I was trying to keep my face from planting into the dinner plate at the restaurant, but the exhaustion hit my kids differently. They were wound up like little hurricanes. After supper they asked if we could stop for ice cream. Are you kidding?! 2^nd man and I just looked at each other. I had the passing thought of just handing around cups full of Benadryl, but of course I wouldn’t do that. Let’s just say bedtime couldn’t come soon enough for me.

The next day was fast and furious as well. The wind died down, but the schedule didn’t. Garage sale, furniture delivery, soccer game and making dinner for friends who just moved, were just some of the items on the minutia list. Top it all off with the “Saturday, getting ready for Sunday” duties. I hardly need to mention the Sunday schedule. Anyone in ministry knows it is the best and busiest day of the week on any normal week. Add to that we had a GAP (Games and Pizza) night that night with the teens.

When I finally sat down at the computer Monday morning to do some bills and other minutia, I was literally shaking. The money, cleaning and planning was piled so high I didn’t know where to start. Praise the Lord for his patience and understanding, a double praise for him extending some of that understanding to my family. The minutia is still mountainous, but I’m hacking away at it little by little. Funny how such trivial things can grow so big in our minds. Well, I’m going to abruptly end here now, because the minutia monster calls and I must feed it. Hope you all have a great day!

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Daily Musings, Marriage

The Rest of Our PA Trip

Posted on April 25, 2011February 2, 2013 by jenschuyler

So, I’ve already written about our trip to the wedding of one of our former youth. Now, I thought I’d share the rest of the trip.

I just want to say upfront, that after taking this trip sans kids, I’m convinced at the necessity of couples to get away with each other if they can, preferably on an annual basis. I remember when I taught school, I met some parents who went on an annual cruise together without the kids. I didn’t think it sounded very practical then (before I had kids), but now I can see that it was probably a very healthy decision.

Don’t get me wrong. I adore my kids and we have a great time on vacations…well now we do. Admittedly, I thought the word vacation to be an oxymoron for the longest time. In the dictionary it has the connotation of suspending work and resting. As a mother of three kids all under 6 at the time I really had a problem with that. Somehow diapers, potty breaks, and feedings didn’t ever get suspended for me. Thankfully, I can now say to those mothers of very young children, there is a light at the end of that tunnel and it’s not as far away as it seems.

Of course, money is an issue. However, even if it’s not a long trip, maybe even just a weekend get away, I’d highly advise it. Get that husband alone and go have some fun.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, the rest of the trip. 2^nd man has a cousin who lives in Pennsylvania and is like a sister to him. She, and one of his best friends from college, were both in our wedding and had their first date the night we got married. They have since married and we all have kids of similar ages. When we started planning the trip we knew that if we were that close to Jessica and Brett we had to stop and visit. That was such a great decision. I just love them both so dearly. Jessica is like a sister to me now too. She’s one of those people who are drop dead gorgeous even at the crack of dawn. Then, when they get all dressed up with their bling, you just want to crawl under a rock rather than stand next to them. You want to hate them and think they are snotty and all about themselves, but instead she’s anything but that. She’s one of the most real and sincere people I’ve ever met. She’s a great mom and wife and loves the Lord.

Brett and I got to know each other by default. While all of us were newly married we were on a trip visiting family. 2^nd man, Jessica and the rest of the siblings went into the bedroom of aunt Alice and Uncle Dan to gather around the bed and have a family heart to heart. Apparently this was normal for all of them while growing up. Being new to the family Brett and I weren’t going to invite ourselves into such a sanctuary and neither Jessica nor my 2^nd man thought to invite us. So we found ourselves in the living room getting to know each other. That happened about 10 or more years ago and we still laugh about it today. Now, though, we, (the four of us) find ourselves visiting late into the nights whenever we see each other. It’s such a comfort to have such close friends and family that are sharing the same stages of life with you, raising kids, church issues, growing marriages.

Although is was a little weird to only have one set of kids running around instead of all of ours too. We relished the time with them and their great kids. Can’t wait until they come out to visit us next month!

After spending the entire weekend with Brett and Jessica, 2^nd man took me to Philadelphia to sight see. I never really had a great desire to build an entire vacation around Philadelphia, but I do love historical sights and since we were there anyway, I wanted to at least spend a day there. Oh my, was it a great time! It was a much prettier city than I expected. We went to see Liberty Hall and the Liberty Bell. We even ate a Philly cheese steak right there on the lawn in front of them both. I was intrigued as we sat there, to notice that about 75% of the tourists there were foreign, mostly Chinese. I guess this surprised me a little. I wouldn’t be much interested in another country’s governmental beginnings, but somehow they were. Maybe they were immigrants and very thankful, who knows? Or maybe it would be like me going to see Buckingham palace if I went to England. I don’t know, it just seemed weird to me. I didn’t appreciate history much as a kid, but now I carry a mixture of guilt and newfound interest in just what people had to sacrifice for us to have the freedoms we have today and are currently throwing away little by little.

After getting our car out of the scary parking garage, we drove through China town, which was pretty cool and on to see other parts of the city.

One stop was at the Philadelphia Museum of Art where 2^nd man ran the steps from the movie “Rocky” [DISCLAIMER: although neither of us condone the full movie, 2^nd man saw it as a child and has always loved the theme of the underdog getting a chance to win the title] so, this was a really neat moment for him. I got out our daughter’s camera that we took with us and started to video tape his running. Then, I went pale…I didn’t push the button! 2^nd man had to do it again! Thankfully, he was feeling spry and did it for me without too much hassle J

It really was a great day and ended with us getting to stay at a very fancy hotel with a suite. Doesn’t get much better than that. However, thus ended the good parts of the trip.

On Tuesday we flew back home. Oh, it’s not that I didn’t want to go, but the getting there was somewhat of a disappointment. The airline we flew, (which will remain unnamed, because I do like their prices and general treatment), has a unique way of boarding their passengers on a first come first serve basis. If, you don’t pay the extra money to get on first, you may not get to sit with your party. Well, that’s what happened to us. Can you believe on a huge jetliner, nobody was willing to move seats so we could sit together? I ended up in the middle of two very large people for four hours. But, that’s not really the worst of it. The gentleman to the right of me apparently ate something the day before that didn’t agree with him. I don’t generally like talking about such things, but let me just say for four hours in five minute intervals, this poor man was relieving his discomfort for the rest of us to breath. I mean truly, what is a person to do? I wanted so desperately to look at him and yell, “Dude, take a pill or something!” but, of course I’d never do that. So I tried leaning forward on my tray table to read my book and plug my nose. My eyes were burning and my stomach was weak. Ironically, I was reading my Gracia Burnham book, To Fly Again: Surviving the Tailspins of Life. An excellent book, I wish I had read it in a better frame of mind. As she was describing some of her experiences being held hostage in the jungle I was desperately trying to imagine myself in a jungle, breathing fresh air! Reading through chapters like: “Anger doesn’t help” or “Rising Above Impatience,” I was trying to convince myself that my current circumstances weren’t included.

Then, about three fourths of the way through the flight, the woman next to me started having some sort of fit. She was probably in her sixties and was reading some sort of romance novel. Suddenly she started making noises of “Woo!” or “Oh oh oh” I wasn’t sure if she was just in a really heated scene of the book or was she feeling alright? What if she was having a heart attack? Was this going to be one of those circumstances where she dies right next to me on the plane and I say something stupid like, “I didn’t know!” Thankfully she calmed back down in about five minutes and continued taking up the whole armrest.

When the flight was over I was almost in tears. 2^nd man was wondering what in the world was wrong with me? When I explained it all he was roaring with laughter and promised me some Starbucks to pacify my angst. I promised him that our next flight was not taking off until I was sitting next to him. Thankfully, I didn’t have to cause any scenes on the next flight and we even go an entire row to ourselves. I had calmed down and we were able to laugh the rest of the way home. Like 2^nd man says, “we won’t ever be short on laughter in our home.”

It’s good to be home and back to the kiddos, but I am so thankful for being able to take the trip. 2^nd man and I haven’t really had many chances like this. Usually when we’re leaving our own kids we’re with someone else’s kids. It was a refreshing and happy time. I’m one blessed woman to have my 2^nd man!

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Daily Musings, Marriage

David and Joy’s Wedding

Posted on April 23, 2011February 2, 2013 by jenschuyler

Shhhh can you hear that? That’s right you hear nothing. Here I am sitting in a hotel room all by myself. It’s so quiet I can hardly get comfortable. I was contemplating just basking in the silence of it all, but figured I should probably post something on this poor neglected blog of mine.

The reason I’m here alone is that 2^nd man is over at a church getting ready for a wedding. Mm mmm mm 2^nd man in a tuxedo….but I digress.

We’re here in Pennsylvania for the wedding of evangelist David Corn (a former member of our youth department) and his beautiful bride, Joy. I wrote about this previously in my four T’s of anticipation post back in February. When he first asked 2^nd man to be a 40 year old groomsman we chuckled at the cuteness of it. However, I figured it was a must for him. Last fall we were honored with one of our former teen girls having a daughter of ours in her wedding. Well, now it was 2^nd man’s turn for the experience.

If any reading this are married to a 2^nd man or even a first man for that matter I’d highly recommend trying to attend such functions if you can. I know I know I’ve said it before, but it is so true, these kinds of things just fuel longevity. 2^nd man and I were talking about it last night after the rehearsal dinner. He’s (well actually we’re) in the ministry to serve the Lord. It is our hope that what we do with this time given will be rewardable in heaven some day. However, it is times like these that come from the Lord as encouragement.

David was so very gracious. He, and Joy, gave out the customary gifts to the wedding party at the rehearsal dinner. However, they both gave a little speech about every person that was very sincere and well done. His speech about the 2^nd man was humbling and so very gracious. Yes, I know I’m sounding like I’m bragging. It’s not my intent to be prideful…ever. For it’s the Lord’s work being done. However, this is my blog of thoughts so please bear with me in my pleasure of being the 2^nd man’s wife.

He mentioned that although he’s traveled all over the country and beyond in the past year or two that he’s never encountered a better youth pastor than my 2^nd man. That’s a pretty big statement and of course we don’t believe it to be true, but coming from a biased viewpoint. However, what a sweet gesture it was. Even more complimentary was the statement that he still remembered some of the messages preached by 2^nd man while he was in our youth department…wow! Now that’s a compliment!

(Pause for wedding)

Ok, I’m back now. My time alone didn’t last as long as I would have liked, but it was refreshing nonetheless. I met up with 2^nd man and went to the wedding in during the last pause. It was, of course beautiful, the bride looked like a brunette Barbie. I was most impressed by seeing 2^nd man in a tux, but the wedding was nice too (wink wink). It was a long one, but God honoring and full of sweetness. I’m so grateful to have been able to attend.

The bride handed her father the purity ring given to her when she was 13 years old. How cool is that!? He father was able to look at David and say “we’ve done our part.” I’m so stashing that one away for future reference and ideas for our own daughters. I will say though the bride and groom made up for lost time after the ceremony and during the reception. Every few minutes they’d come up for air from all of the kissing to greet people. Made me want to start kissing too. J

We just had such a relaxing and enjoyable time altogether, visiting with good friends and reminiscing. It was a tonic for the soul and very refreshing. Thank you Lord for times like these.

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Life Lessons

The stages of a Youth Pastor’s Wife part 1

Posted on March 31, 2011February 2, 2013 by jenschuyler

I used to be a “really great youth pastor’s wife.” Back about thirteen years ago or so, I was young, pretty (a point that can always be debatable and not so important, but prettier than now anyway), I had a pre-childbearing fit figure, I had a desire to do whatever I could to help 2^nd man in his ministry and the Lord with teenagers, I loved teens and most of all I had time. Yes, that ever-elusive thing I’m always running out of these days. Time to hang out, time to stay up late, and time to talk, listen and pray with teen girls.

That stage really didn’t last so long after 2^nd man and I got married. I worked as a teacher for a while and home matters became important to me. That’s when I moved into being a “pretty good youth pastor’s wife”. My list in the above paragraph started with some pretty vain and superficial things. That’s because teenagers, most of them, tend to weigh things heavily on the superficial. It was in this second stage that I started realizing myself, how vain and superficial these things were. I began growing more of a hunger for God as I matured personally and spiritually. However, I soon grew frustrated with the teens at this point. Wondering why they didn’t “get it.” I was frustrated at many of the decisions that they made and overall didn’t understand them. I had always thought I was given the gift of mercy. But it was at this point that I had begun dreaming up a book with the title “Losing Mercy.” It was like the mercy well ran dry.

After about three years of marriage, the 2^nd man and I started having children. It was in this initial time period that I would qualify myself as simply “a youth pastors wife.” That’s about as far as I wanted to go with any kind of title. My children became my main focus at this time. The teens got on my nerves with their pettiness and I had no time for it in my mind or in reality. Not much sleep, a total loss of that previous “fit” figure and constant training consumed my life. I really didn’t see any hope of change or an end to this time period. Everywhere we went took longer. I had to juggle trying to get babies to sleep at camp without cramping anyone’s fun or style. I did try to make it a point at conferences and camps not to let my kids’ presence take away from the teens’ time. Looking back I get amazed at how many of the girls liked having little ones around. I never enjoyed little kids. Babysitting was one of my least favorite jobs as a teenager. I know it’s shallow, but I couldn’t stand other peoples’ little kids. Of course that changed when my own came along, but I never wanted to presume that the teens would be ok with my little kids, so I went to great pains to not let them get in the way of things, while also letting them enjoy some of the perks of getting to go to camps and conferences. Needless to say, trying to walk that tightrope wore me out. I would usually have a meltdown after each event.

It’s lately, as my kids are growing and (hopefully) I am too, that I feel like I’m growing back into a “good youth pastors wife”. Only, this time it is in a totally different way. Oh, I still get frustrated with the teens (don’t let me lead anyone astray in that area). We have some girls that place a person’s value fully on how they look. Others are so needy they’d wear out a listening dog. However, I feel that God has done a work in my heart with regards to extending mercy. I am able to find more time to meet with girls if needed and my own children are not as constant in the realm of training. We’ve now been in the ministry long enough to see some come through some really rough times and grow into Godly adults. That’s encouragement that supports my motto “They’re not who they’re going to be.” I still fail in my perspective sometimes, but on average, I’m able to enjoy the teens again. They’re vivacious and idealistic and so full of potential. Some of them are so much further in their walk with Christ than I was at their age. I can only imagine what great things God can do with them. Others…well…could care less.

2^nd man just shared last night with the youth workers something that he heard recently that really spoke to me. He had been listening to another preacher who challenged ministers not to be “accusers of the brethren” before God. Constantly complaining about church members and trying to “sick” God on them, that’s Satan’s job. Ouch! I certainly don’t want to be doing the job of Satan! I’d rather be an intercessor for the brethren, especially our teens as they grow and learn. I’m so thankful for the mercy that is made new everyday to me…I sure do need it. I’d also like to extend that same mercy to others.

Maybe, some day, I’ll be a “great youth pastor’s wife” again. However, I think if I ever reach that stage again, it’s going to be in a much deeper, loving and spiritual way. Really, my only job is to be the best Christian I can be, serving, honoring, and glorifying my Lord. My prayer is that I would be as pleasing in his eyes as I possibly can be at whatever stage I am going through.

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Life Lessons

Spring Glimpses of God’s Work

Posted on March 16, 2011 by jenschuyler

Well, spring is definitely upon us here in Oklahoma, well, at least every other day. Hopefully, the warmth will become more consistent so these allergies of mine can somehow slow down a bit. Allergies and snot aside, I have to say this is one of my two favorite times of year. Fall is nice, and my other favorite, but spring just seems to abound with life, hope and cheer.

The time change is one near and dear friend of mine. I’ve heard so much complaining the past week about people wishing “they’d” just do away with the time change. Then, Sunday was a real hoot watching all the people show up for main services thinking they were coming to Sunday school. That one always cracks me up. Of course then you have those people that just rant about “losing” and hour of sleep. This doesn’t make much sense to me…it’s an hour…not a day. Go to bed early, or take a nap or something, but stop complaining. It’s gonnna be light longer!!! (Or seem that way), enough for me.

However, the time change isn’t really my focus today. Today, I’m consumed with the excitement of seeing God work. I’m fully aware of Hebrews 11:1 “Now, faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” But, what I mean here is that sometimes it seems like God gives us glimpses of his working in matters. Kind of like when I go around my garden beds this time of year and start pulling away at the winter debris and last year’s spent growth to reveal, not a whole plant, put little peakers. Small evidences of life that is wanting and waiting to spring forth. It’s like little, green, waving hands that are saying, don’t give up! There’s hope here! Give me a little more time.

We seem to have several of these “little peakers” within our youth department right now. I took one out for a coke the other day. She’s one of our hopefuls. Those of you in ministry understand. One of those seemingly strong –beyond- her- years kind of girls for which we have high hopes. Yet, recently she’s been wavering. I’ve had her in my Wednesday night group. I put her and a couple others there hoping to have a little help with the others in the group that I knew would be a challenge. Instead, lets just say, I have the group that comes across more like late fall instead of early spring. I go about asking our small group questions over the lesson that night and I get more response from the wall and carpet than any of these girls. I’m not even talking about deep theological questions but those like “when we sin and act like the world how does that make God feel?” …response: chirp chirp chirp. (that’s cricket sounds by the wayJ ). Kind of a no brainer, but still, no responses.

I was really frustrated a few weeks ago and asked this girl to meet me at a local coffee shop after school. I knew she was preparing for a trip to West Coast Baptist Bible College to view the school, yet she’s also holding out for a local college that, in my opinion, would be detrimental. Knowing this was coming up and watching some of her behavior lately, I wanted to pick her brain a little to see what was going on. Turns out, the Wednesday night stuff is more of a “girl thing” with animosity running amuck among some of the factions in the group. Yes, our teen department is imperfect and has cliques… Shocker! Upon asking her of her future plans, she wavers a little, but has really felt the pull from God into some sort of missions. With that said, I tried to encourage her to stand up here and now. I don’t underestimate the power of clique pressure, but sometimes teens don’t realize that they can do things here and now and not just in their future in a foreign land. The talk went very well. I’m thankful to say, that she is a girl who wisely listens to council and doesn’t just roll her eyes. On her recent facebook posts from California she’s really on fire. She was even able to share her testimony with someone on the plane trip out there. Don’t know if she’ll choose that college, but she’s definitely trying to let the Lord guide.

Then, another peaker last week. A girl approached me after our Wednesday night program. She wanted to talk and I wasn’t about to turn her away. She comes from a divorced home and lives with her dad and step mom. I have to give a little history here. Her step mom was actually in our youth department. When she met her husband, we knew it was not a right choice for her. He was not saved and seemed against the idea of ever being so. Sure enough they married anyway, and when she came out of her rebellion and back to the Lord, it caused trouble. She’s struggled patiently for years over this, knowing that she did wrong to begin with. However, God has blessed her patience and testimony. Over the course of the past year her husband started coming to church. He did this mainly to try to bring some peace to the house between his daughter and wife. Well, guess what happened…yep….he got saved! He now is one of our helpers in children’s church! Faithless me never thought I’d see the day. I cried and cheered the day he was baptized.

Well, as you might guess, this didn’t make the daughter happy. She’s now thinking she’s created some kind of monster. I asked her if he’s changed for the better to which she grouchily replied, “yes! Ughhhh now he’s like her (step mom).” Anyway, she was full of questions. I got the feeling that in some of them she was trying to shock me and get me to scold her or tell her how bad a girl she was. She also looked me squarely in the face and said, “So how do you know the Bible’s even real?” I responded and then she matter-of-factly let me know, “I just can’t give up my music, I don’t want to, I don’t want anybody to make me.” I tried as gently as possible to tell her she didn’t have to. She looked pretty perplexed by this response. I continued explaining, “God doesn’t say you have to give up your music to be saved. That’s not was salvation is. He may work on you after the fact if it is wrong and something that should be given up. But, nobody would be saved if they had to be perfect first.” She seemed pleasantly shocked by this. I think she was expecting me to be telling her how to dress and act and be. She didn’t get saved that night, not even sure if she ever will. However, I left with one of those exciting feelings that God had just given me a glimpse of his working on someone. She’s definitely thinking and I challenged her to look up some verses after we met and ask God to show her her need.

God has also sent us a couple of little spring encouragers. There are currently a brother and sister visiting with us from out of state. They home school so that they can travel with their mom and dad as their dad works construction around the country. At first they were very quiet which is understandable. Then, last weekend they joined us on outreach and got to know some of the kids. The young mad went fishing with 2^nd man and some other guys that very night. Later, that weekend, they asked to be friends on facebook and 2^nd man and I were just giggling over their excitement about our youth department. We’re having a guy night and girl night activity later this week and they’ve gone on and on about it on their posts. It’s kind of cute. We know they’re only with us like two more weeks. However, it’s been a shot in the arm for our teens and for the 2^nd man and me. I truly believed God sent them (probably among other reasons) to give us some encouragement. Ain’t God good?

There have even been more of these spring glimpses within our extended family. I’m not going to go into those here, yet. But, suffice it to say I’ve had enough to be reassured and reenergized in my faith. I look around my yard and get so excited to get out in the dirt and work. Then I look around my world and get the same feeling right now. Oooh weee! That’s good stuff!

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Life Lessons

Teaching the Ladies Sunday School Class

Posted on March 5, 2011 by jenschuyler

Wanted to share my introduction for a Sunday school lesson I’m teaching tomorrow in our Pastor’s wife’s Ladies class. I was really impressed by a recent book by Joanna Weaver and wanted to share a little. I definitely got the distraction thing down well, as you’ll see in the following paragraphs:

Luke 10:38-42. Oh yeah…. I’m going there. The old Mary and Martha story. However, I’d like to take a more understanding view of Martha here. Can I hear a shout out for those who can relate? I’ve been reading a book that was suggested to me a long time ago from a family member who loved it. I started it one day and laid it down only to pick it back up the other day and love, love, love it. Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. Honestly, I haven’t even finished the entire book yet, but was intrigued by one of the beginning chapter subjects so much that I wanted to delve into it a little further. You’ll definitely understand why after I share with you what the latter part of my week has been like. Buckle your seat belts because I’m admittedly a bit of a frenetic personality.

I decided this week to start weaning myself off of sugar. I’m scared of diabetes and am halted at any weight loss even though I eat healthy most of the time. If anyone has ever done this it’s a bit of an overload at first. I don’t know what it’s like to come down off of a drug, but boy howdy Thursday was a doozy for me. I was thankful for the nice weather, because at least the kids could play outside while I was rendered somewhat useless and sluggish. By late afternoon, not a whole lot got done. Friday I did a little better, but was still feeling a draggin wagon. I was having trouble coming up with a lesson, let alone being able to sit and concentrate on one. I was even questioning why I said yes to to our pastor’s wife to teach her Sunday school class. That evening 2^nd Man and I decided to go to bed early so we could get up early Saturday to prepare for our lessons and his preaching (Pastor and his wife are out of town this weekend). I expected sleep to come swiftly the way I felt most of the day, but it was one of those nights. I didn’t think I’d ever get to sleep due to the dishwasher seeming unusually loud and the banging of our open shed door outside. Finally, I did fall asleep and 2^nd Man slept walked…twice. Let’s just say, when that happened, I didn’t exactly get back to sleep well with the adrenaline rush and all. I confess, the second time, I was frustrated and went out to the sofa, scared of being awakened again. Well, that didn’t exactly work well either. Of all nights, one of the dogs was sick. I awakened to that wonderful convulsing dog sound only to discover he’d been sick all over the house! By this time it was 4:00 a.m. and I figured I’d just stay awake and get working on this lesson. I’d had somewhat of an idea all week, but never had the time to develop it. Well, thank the Lord for sick dogs and sleep walking husbands, because I was able to actually start reading this book instead and was laughing at myself within minutes along with seeking forgiveness. I knew I’d been had by God. Ever have one of those times, where he leads you to something only to find it’s a mirror?

In her book, Weaver talks about Satan’s 3deadly Ds of destruction that can render a Christian useless for God. That is his aim after all. He knows that we belong to God and that can’t change. He can’t have us. However, if he can make it so we have no impact on the world around us for God, then that works just as well in his book. So here are the 3 Ds :

Distraction
Discouragement
Doubt

Weaver says, “Throughout time Satan has resorted to these tactics to bring down God’s best and brightest. The underlying strategy is fairly simple: Get peoples eyes off God and on their circumstances. Make them believe that their ‘happiness’ lies in the ‘happenings’ that surround them. Or send them good news – about somebody else. When they’re thoroughly discouraged, tell them God doesn’t care. Then sit back and let doubt do its work.

It’s really a brilliant strategy, when you think of it. Plant the deadly Ds deep in human hearts, and sooner or later people will destroy themselves.”

I’m praying that I can develop these points well for the ladies. It’s always nerve wracking to teach this class full of ladies from college to 90 when I’m used to dealing with teen girls. The array of facial expressions leaves one no choice but to solely lean into the leading of the Holy Spirit for any confidence and assurance. I really wouldn’t want it any other way.

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Parenting, Teens

Teen Outreach

Posted on February 21, 2011 by jenschuyler

My oldest daughter asked me this morning, “Momma, why is it that we have to take two full touring busses to camp, but only the little shuttle bus on teen outreach?” A poignant thought coming from a 10 year old, I think. My only response could be what I gave. “Honey, outreach means reaching outside of yourself, giving time, and attention to others, whereas camp is about getting. You get good preaching and lots of fun. Unfortunately most of the teens…and adults too, are more interested in the getting than the giving.” Sounds like a negative tone for the start of a blog post doesn’t it? However, it’s not all bad, and her question got me to really thinking about outreach.

When I was younger and growing up in church, I didn’t really know what outreach was all about. I heard the term church visitation, but my family didn’t really go and it all sounded so intimidating. My inner impression was, “They expect me, a 7^th grader, to randomly knock on someone’s door and be invited in with open arms, show this random person who was awakened from their Saturday morning sleeping-in, how to get to heaven? Does that really work? What if they totally yell and chase me off with a shotgun or something?” I know these were the thoughts of a stretched imagination, but nothing in me wanted to go.

Fast-forward about 10 years when I find myself in Oklahoma, married to a youth pastor who wants to take kids on visitation. The first few years of our marriage, I had the attitude that this was his thing and ministry and Saturday was my only real day off, so I would have to stay home and do some housekeeping. Later, after the kids came along, I was able to use all my babies as excuses. Then, one day the Lord got a hold of my heart. No. That’s to gentle of a term. It’s more like he yanked it up toward his chin and inserted major conviction. If all these teens come faithfully, certainly, I could give it a try. I was convicted as a mother as well. I didn’t want my kids to grow up witnessing fear in their mother to invite someone to church or tell them about the Lord!

So, one Saturday I packed up the kids and surprised 2^nd man by announcing that I would start coming to outreach, even if I had to push a stroller. You know what? It was easy! I should have trusted my 2^nd man, well, and my Lord, the whole time. He didn’t throw teens to the wolves and expect miracles. Teen outreach is simply about easing them into the idea of reaching out and passing out tracts or invitations to our church. We walk neighborhoods and put the tracts on doors without disturbing anyone. If someone does happen to be outside or open the door we talk to them and either engage a witnessing opportunity or simply invite them to our church. Some may think it’s not “real” outreach, but I think it’s giving the teens an opportunity to serve God and, hopefully, giving God an opportunity to stretch and use them. Lets face it, people don’t just open their doors very prevalently anymore, it can be dangerous. Not that we don’t do it at all, there are times when 2^nd man will choose someone to go along with him and actually knock on the doors looking for opportunity to share the gospel. However, by training them as a group this way, we’re hoping it will build their boldness and drive.

2^nd man even makes it kind of fun. He drives us all around and lets us off in groups of at least 3 or four and gives us a few blocks at a time. The other youth worker ladies and I usually end up with the “kids” group. Between us, we have about 6 of our own kids that aren’t in the youth department yet. These kids spread like mercury out of one of those old glass thermometers. They can cover a neighborhood in no time flat. After a few pranks of 2^nd man driving by our awaiting group and pretending like he’s forgotten us, we usually go out to lunch to wrap up the morning.

I know it’s still intimidating for many of the kids. That’s why I try not to be too harsh on those who don’t come, at least, the new ones who’ve never tried it. Our goal is to have 20 kids come. We don’t always reach that goal, but it’s the goal nonetheless. I actually find myself more in awe of the ones who do choose to come. I’m impressed with the teens in our youth department who choose to serve the Lord at such young age even if it isn’t “cool.” I wish I had been that way and I’m excited for them at the possibilities this could open up in their lives as they grow and serve the Lord. What blessings they will get to experience that those kids now that don’t come, and I, won’t ever get. I’m excited, also, for my own children who will think of it as normal and not such a scary deal as they grow older. It’s good training and especially exciting when we’re able to share with them that someone came to church because of their reaching out.

Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Life Lessons, Marriage, Parenting

A Crown of Selfishness

Posted on February 15, 2011 by jenschuyler

I’m so glad that God’s love covers our sins. I shudder to think of what a deep hole I’d have dug myself by now if I didn’t have his patient, sin-covering, love guiding and directing me. It’s shameful enough, how long it’s taken me to even follow that guidance. And shameful, still, how often I still fight it. I think if we all had crowns that depicted our character traits to the world I’d probably be wearing the crown of selfishness.

There are a few moments, or events rather, in my life that have given me glimpses of just how selfish I can be. I don’t really like to dwell on these things, but they have had a bearing on my role as a 2^nd man’s wife. I even secretly wonder if they’ve played a role in holding back my 2^nd man from having a better ministry or being who he could be had I submitted better to the Lord in my life. Some may even be humanly justifiable, however, I don’t want to be a person who has to rationalize why I didn’t respond in a godly manner to something or someone.

A couple of these events are those that I believe most people experience. Those were marriage and childbirth. No two events greater reveal the selfishness of a person. In getting married, the expectations are the real kicker. When the wedding is over, and the details of daily life become reality, it’s hard to get over those expectations. I remember being so frustrated at the 2^nd man for not being able to read my mind. I would think to myself, “how could he not know that I’d want him to take out the trash?” or, “How could he not know what I wanted for my birthday?” Thankfully, I have been able to grow in this area, and though I still battle selfishness in marriage, hopefully, I’ve grown just through maturity.

Childbirth was the other big reveal. I’ve never met another mom who doesn’t relate to this. Even from the day I first went into labor, the battle of the will had begun. When the pain set in and the reality struck I looked at 2^nd man and said, “I don’t want to do this, I want to go home.” We laugh now, but at that moment it seemed perfectly logical in my head. Then the nurse came in and told me the baby would have to be fed every 2 hours! Whaaaat!!! I thought I’d scoured every inch of that baby book, but somehow I missed that 2 hour number. Oh, that really threw me for a loop. Ever since then and every child since then has revealed how selfish I am and chipped away at that luxurious selfishness. All in all, I’ve gladly given it up.

However, there is one area of my life that has been a struggle for me and I’m glad to say that it gets better with age. That is the area of being a 2^nd man’s wife in relation to acknowledgement. Just this past week I had a birthday and it was one of the best ever. One may wonder why, it wasn’t a big one (37), there was no large party, it was a quiet day that ended with a fun date with my husband. That’s just it, though, I wasn’t hung up on needing any acknowledgement.

When we were young in the ministry (and young in age) I had kind of expected people to acknowledge my big days like they did our pastor’s wife. I was so impressed, when we first came here, to see how many of the women were concerned over what would be done for the pastor’s wife for her birthday. Every year I’d have some of them approach me about helping them with a plan. When my birthday came around I was excited to see what might be done. Oh, I didn’t expect all the women of the church, but I was sure that the moms of teens or even the teens might do something or at least acknowledge. The day would come and go, year after year without any grandeur. Really, the same happened for 2^nd man. But we won’t go there, (he’s always handled things better than me.)

I got really excited one year when a family in our church had let the staff know that the Lord had laid on their hearts to do something really special for the staff members. Not, for any birthdays or holidays, but just as a way to express thanks, I guess. Anyway, they took the pastor and his wife, and the outreach minister and his wife to Colorado to a nice cabin retreat. They provided all the meals and even made them very special for everyone. They took them on hikes and let them have an all around time of pampering and rest. We weren’t invited, because I had just had our third child a few months earlier and of course nobody wants a newborn on a relaxing trip. This, I understood. To make up for not being able to take us they did something different. For 2^nd man it was front row seating to a Dallas Cowboys football game! 2^nd man is a die-hard fan of the Dallas cowboys so this was like winning the lottery for him. They sent him with our song leader. They told me that I was to be treated to a queen for a day spa treatment in Tulsa with the man’s wife. I was really excited. It sounded like a great gift for a new mom especially. Time came and went and nothing more happened or was said. Finally, at Christmas the man handed me a card for a half hour massage at the local small town spa next door to the church offices.

Normally, I’d be ecstatic for a half hour massage. I mean, it’s not exactly a luxury I spend on myself, and I can appreciate the relaxation. I guess it was all the build up that got me. I had to really hide my disappointment at that one. But, really, that was a selfish response. I mean, they really did spoil 2^nd man and he’s the actual one that’s on staff. However, that mean ugly selfish bug started to take root in my heart. When my birthday came around just a couple of months later, I found myself wondering if any of my gifts were even thought out, or just thrown at me out of obligation from the few friends who did acknowledge it. I shamefully admit it took me months to let go. Yet, I think it was a good thing for me. It was a release of thinking more highly of myself than I ought to. It forced me to come face to face with my selfishness and see that these birthdays and such aren’t really even a big deal.

This year, I was able to read all my little Facebook birthday wishes and truly appreciate them. The wonderful quiet time with my husband was fantastic since we don’t get away alone very often. Even my kids wowed me with homemade cards, (that I didn’t ask for) and a homemade chocolate cake, (that I did ask for). It was special and heartening. I pray that the Lord would not give up on me, and my selfish desires. It makes me want to sing that song, “He’s still working on me…” I only wish I had let him perform some of this work years ago, so I wouldn’t be so far behind the curve.