Some things the youth pastors wife wishes she could tell parents to teach their daughters:
1. How to act ladylike. A good burp or bodily function can be funny at certain times, but really….it’s not that enjoyable to the rest of us. The boys may laugh, but they aren’t sincerely impressed. Who wants a wife that can out noise them?
2. You aren’t the center of the universe. I know this is the lifelong plight of all parents to teach their children. However, of recent it would seem that some parents promote this thinking. Perhaps training them to look outside of themselves and see a bigger world would help them and the world.
3. You don’t need a boyfriend. Here’s the biggie. Yes, I want my daughters to like boys, but I don’t want them to need boys. I witness so many girls sacrifice personality and character all for the sake of flirting.
4. You do need God. My mom used to tell me that there was nothing more attractive than a godly man…she was right. I would surmise that the opposite is true coming from the boys’ side. I’m sure that a godly girl must seem quite attractive and even challenging. I would love to ingrain this in all teen girls I meet. It would so improve and fulfill their entire lives if they could have their full confidence in God. Any man that he brings into their lives from there would be icing on the cake
5. Be thankful. So many young women aren’t thankful…for anything. This leads into adult women who aren’t thankful. Thankfulness is a godly character that should never be underestimated (read Psalms). And remember: Silent gratitude is of no use to anyone.
6. Teach them to be keepers of their homes and not women’s libbers. My mother’s generation was so focused on teaching my generation to think only of myself and get a career and make money and be like a man. Now my generation is stuck trying to teach ourselves how to take care of our homes. Careers and money are great, but the family still needs fed and the toilets still get dirty.
7. Dress modestly. Oh yes, the cry of youth pastors wives nationwide. The girls seem to think this is only for church or to please their youth leaders. Why? Because it seems we’re having trouble getting moms on board with this. This will always be a challenge in a woman’s life in this modern world, however, it is possible to be fashionable and modest. Why would you want to show yours or your daughter’s goods to the world? I’m especially astonished at what people allow their daughters to wear even to church. The ability to blush has become a lost character trait. Please moms, don’t sacrifice your daughters to the world this way. Oh, and btw this is one of those battles we should choose to fight.
8. Communication. I am always so surprised and impressed when I come across teens who can talk with adults. Oh, not about boring stuff to them like decorating or grocery bills. But conversations about matters like God, and the world and challenges in life. We must, as parents, teach our kids to communicate, so that as they grow they will continue to communicate. They are facing so many tough challenges in the teen years that if they don’t know how to keep talking to parents and teachers and God, they are left to navigate these years alone. Many seem to shut down and adults take this as a natural stage. There is nothing natural about shut down.
9. Be respectful. Life is not fair. The teachers can be subjective, the pastors and youth pastors can make mistakes, not to mention parents can mess up too. However, this does not give teens the right to be disrespectful. I don’t always agree with who is in the office of the president, but if I ever met the president you can bet I’d give him respect for the sake of the position. It is vital to teach kids to be respectful of authority even if they disagree with that authority. You can bet we, in the ministry, know who is having disrespectful conversations about the ministers at home. It shows in their kids behavior and attitudes.
10. Finally, please use the youth pastor’s wife. It is not an official position that’s for sure. But, I never feel more fulfilled than when God allows me to be of use for him and my husband by talking or praying with a young lady. Even godly parents could use the reinforcement of another person giving their daughter godly advice. It’s not that I want to know all their junk. It’s that they are allowing me to be a part in their circle of influence. This is wise on their behalf.
Hmmm, this is quite the list. I’m thinking I might have to expand on some of these points in days to come…